I think I have always been a bit of an introvert. When I was younger, high school for example, I did spent numberless hours running around and playing with my closest friends. I was slightly more outgoing, almost desperate to have as many friends as possible. Perhaps that has a little to do with the fact that most teenagers are insecure and seek some degree of popularity.
I have never been much of an instigator when it came to hanging out, though. If it weren't for two of my three best friends, I would have never left my house. Now that I am a stay-at-home-mom, I realize I can always find justification for declining invitations and leaving my house as seldom as possible. While, I do know a few reasons why I tend to avoid particular people, habitual gossipers for example, there are others who, after I get myself to spend time with them, I wonder why I don't do it more often.
I think a big problem I have is my laziness when it comes to building new relationships. I was talking to my best friend a few days ago and it dawned on me that that is my real problem. For a friend like her, I will get dressed, pack the kid up, and venture outdoors. I will even let her come to my house. But I have already built a near decade long relationship with her and I have unwavering trust in her.
I've always liked to keep things to myself. My "introvertness" extends far beyond my hermitesque actions. I have, on several occasions, been told by someone or individuals very close to me who I feel know me better than anyone else that they "never know what's going on with me". I don't like to tell people what I'm doing in my life at the moment and I don't like to tell people how I feel. My husband has to drag these kinds of things out of me and I'm grateful that he can. I feel like few have tried. I don't want to be this way, though. My husband is like me in his homebodiness, but unlike me in how unguarded the rest of him is. He will, almost every day, tell me what's going on at work, what he's learning, what he wants to do with this or that, what he wants to do with our house, how he wants to improve the backyard, the list goes on. And I never tire of this.
How can I conquer this?
I do know that I need to start making time for people. A friend will invite me to do something and I always have something else "going on". This might be something as simple as the fact that I had planned to do all of the laundry that day. I don't ever lie my way out of hanging out, I'm just not really prioritizing. I know that I need time with other adults. Even if it were just talking to my husband.
I don't even know how to end this post.
I guess that will do.
